Sundown Syndrome -- Tame Impala

          As usual, I spent my day around the city just exploring. I realized as long as I've been here I've only visited and been attracted to one spot and that's the park. I decided to get a little adventurous today and visit a lounge a few blocks away from my usual spot.
          It was a cute little place, red ropes out front making it look kind of upscale or whatever, but from the looks of the people going in, it was casual. There was no cover charge to get in, so in I went. For some reason, I'm feeling really self-conscious. All the people in here are with their friends or mates; laughing and joking, and here I am just alone. Looking alone. I wish I had a cellphone or something because at least then I could pretend to be waiting on someone instead of just sitting here floating around in this club like an awkward cloud. I decided to head upstairs to the more intimate area because the pressure was becoming too much.
         The more time passes, the more comfortable I become. I no longer feel like I'm being watched and I finally loosen up some. I head to the bar and grab a seat there to get a better view of what's going on around me. The bartender looks my way with a smile and asks me if I want anything. I smile back and say no, and he goes about his business. As I'm quietly vibing to the music, a really tall, wide-hipped woman with long, gorgeous red hair sits at the bar stool beside me.

          "How you doing?" She asked.

          "I'm doing alright, how are you?" 

          She grins and takes a sip of her green drink on rocks. 

          "I'm doing well. By the way, I'm Erica. Hey, are you new to this side of town?" 

          I look down at the table and start to fidget before I answer her.

          "Yeah, I just... Moved here a few weeks ago... I'm Janessa." 

          "Oh alright! Where do you stay?"

          Then I REALLY get quiet which causes her mood to change.

          "Wait a minute, I've seen you in the park a couple of times," she pauses.

          "Um, yeah... I'm there a lot." She looks at me and pauses again,

          "Do you have any family around here?"

          "No, not anymore," my voice breaks.
          "My dad... *clears throat* Died. It was just the two of us."

           I decided to just lie because the situation with my dad was a story for another day, and there isn't enough alcohol behind that bar to loosen me up enough to spill that tea. My cheeks flush and I feel my throat begin to tighten.
       
          "Honey, are you homeless?"

          

          Remember how I said sometimes I have my days where I just want to break down, cry or call my father? This is one of those times. For the first time in a while I've come face to face with my situation, and what made it even worse was that I had to hear about it coming from someone else. 

         

          "Oh, no... Baby girl..."

          "I should probably get going, I --"

          "Wait a second," she interrupts.

          "I would like for you to come talk to me for a spell."

          I decided to just gather myself and listen to what she had to say. She had such a genuine aura about her... I all of a sudden felt like I was talking to a long-lost auntie. She told me she lived across town with her mother, her husband, her son Jalen who's nine, and her daughter Conner who's seventeen and graduating this year. I giggled a little bit because I've never heard of a girl with that name, mainly just white boys. 

          She bought me a sweet tea from the bar and as I graciously sipped, I listened to her speak. She's a self-published author but she and her mother do a lot of volunteer work with the Big Brother, Big Sister program in this area. She explained to me that she would be devastated if the same thing ever happened to her daughter and she was going to try to help me as much as she could. By now, I'm sobbing and trying to figure out if I'm dreaming or being cruelly pranked.  

          "But first... We have to change your living situation. A young lady like you can't just be wandering the streets and sleeping outside. I hate that you've even had to go through this... And to keep it real," she lowers her voice to almost a whisper. "I don't want you to have to keep stealing food to live." 

          I was shocked.

          "Uh, I don't know what you're talking about." 

          "Honey. The only reason why you were able to escape Dollar Tree that last time was because I purposely tripped the door alarm. I knew what it was the first time I saw you in there. No more."

          

          I let out an awkward laugh like a child that was caught rambling through her mom's purse, and then that laugh turned to tears. After a couple of minutes of her trying to console me and getting me to calm down, she then explains to me that she has a small rental property a few blocks away from the park that she's willing to let me stay in until I get on my feet. 

          "It isn't much, just a one bed, one bath deal, full kitchen, and it's also already furnished. While we work on getting the rest of your situation straight, you can stay there as long as you need." 

          "But what about rent, I couldn't just stay there for free... I wouldn't feel right." 

          "We can worry about that later. The place was paid for years ago and no one's staying in it anyway. It's hurting no one for you to stay there. I just can't have you sleeping in that park anymore."

          I don't understand how any of this happened. Growing up, my father used to tell me that whether you know it or not someone is always watching you. Honestly, I just thought he meant in a religious sense, or somebody watching you and clocking your every move or something. But today, I realized he was right. And now I know, whether he's around or not, I'll be okay soon.